The swirl of negative thoughts and emotions is a significant cause of caregiver anxiety and overwhelm. The worries take over our headspace during the day and keep us awake at night. Our thinking and decisions are as blurred as our eyes from lack of sleep. When overwhelmed, our self-confidence suffers. We feel powerless. Reframing our frustration is one way we can calm the chaos. When we reframe the frustration, we take back our power because the outcome no longer controls our emotions. Here are three ways to reframe frustration and calm the caregiver overwhelm.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
Dr. Seuss
Find Gratitude in the Struggles
A gratitude journal can be a versatile tool to help us appreciate the joy amidst the struggle. Our gratitude journal can reflect all of our experiences, including those events that initially caused us to feel less than grateful. Caregiving challenges and obstacles make us emotional. Record the challenges and peel back the layers of fear and frustration. Look for the opportunity to be grateful, hiding under the layers deep within the struggle.
The act of reframing from resentment to gratitude is empowering. The outcome of the struggle transforms to include hope and growth. The lessons learned from adversity give purpose to the trials and troubles.
Gratitude Journal Challenge: With every ten positive entries, include one struggle. Find the gratitude within the struggle by examining it from all angles until the gift is revealed. Explore and process the frustration and expose the lesson. Write about the worries and unmask the fear so that you can embrace the opportunity for growth.
Welcome the Uninvited Emotion
Exactly when we need to be our most composed selves, destructive emotions can hijack our rational thoughts. Our care recipient may have tripped one of our triggers, and we feel the pressure building. The negative emotion takes control of our Self. Our bodies may tense, and our breathing becomes shallow. We may think, I am angry. We don’t want to feel anger and resist. Conflicted, our resistance to the anger results in an even stronger emotional response. Identifying with anger, we think, I need to calm down.
The truth is that your Self is already calm. It is the emotion that is aroused. Anger is masquerading as you. The emotion can be calmed because while it is not you, you are the owner. Rather than resist, express kindness for this disruptive, passing wave that has knocked you about a bit. Rather than allow the wave to consume you, let it flow around and through you as you observe it, unconnected. Welcome and embrace the uninvited emotion by greeting it, “You belong.” Feel the emotion soften.
Cultivate Confusion
Caregiving causes us to question ourselves, our circumstances, the truth. The role and the responsibilities disorient us. It can feel like our feet aren’t firmly planted on the ground like we are spinning with the swirl of emotions brought about by uncomfortable uncertainty.
Confusion is the emotion that occurs when something occurs that is not as expected or believed. Feeling confused is distressing. Our lack of ability to understand or cope with the circumstances makes confusion uncomfortable. We want to move from this state of being as quickly as possible.
“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Let’s look at confusion another way. If we had a better understanding or stronger coping skills, rather than upset us, we might find that the unexpected situation piques our interest. Cultivating confusion can inspire us to learn and grow. If we can briefly rest in the uncomfortable space before resolving our confusion, we can use it to better understand our situation. Take some time to cultivate confusion and appreciate the flavor and spice added to your life.
Remote Control for Regret
The key to using each of these reframing techniques is awareness. The response to a struggle is often an adverse reaction unless we are aware of the opportunity to deal with the frustration differently. Like any skill, developing awareness takes practice. When awareness is strong, it is like having a remote control for your life. While you may not be able to hit rewind, you can hit pause. Rather than react, you can recognize the opportunity to reframe and respond in a way that coincides with your values, in a way that you will not regret.
Navigating the Caregiver River: A Journey to Sustainable Caregiving is available on Amazon. Also, check out the Self-Caregiving Strategies Podcast. Begin to build your personal Sustainable Caregiving foundation.
Schedule Theresa Wilbanks to speak on caregiving and empower the caregivers in your workplace or community with the 12 Sustainable Caregiving Strategies.
Advice offered is for general information only; please contact your healthcare team, legal or financial advisors to guide your particular situation.