“Self-care is doing the things that make you feel more like yourself.”
Robyn Conely Downs
You can prioritize your well-being while you care for your family member when you reimagine and micro-dose self-care throughout the day. Your activities before caregiving, going to the gym, reading for pleasure, sleeping, or spending time with friends, were just a part of life. You may not have recognized these activities, hobbies, and interests as self-care. As priorities shift and care takes more time and energy, it is not uncommon to give up our passions bit by bit until our entire life revolves around caregiving. Accepting help, lightening the caregiving load, and using the time gained to engage in self-care activities are essential to recovering from or avoiding caregiver burnout and staying connected to our values and the things that make us feel whole. Reimagining and micro-dosing self-care is one of the Sustainable Caregiving strategies. Caregiving is sustainable when we use strategies that help us care for ourselves while we care for our family member for as long as needed.
Reimagine Self-Care
The challenge for us as caregivers is to reimagine or modify the experiences that bring us joy when layers of responsibilities and stress become a part of our day. The activities we enjoy and those that renew our energy keep us connected to ourselves and are each a version of self-care. You can also discover new caregiver-friendly interests that help you reset and care for yourself as you care for your family member. Self-care will look different for each person and may change from day to day, possibly minute to minute. We often focus on physical self-care, but other types of self-care include as emotional, spiritual, practical, financial, social, and mental. When we re-imagine self-care, we incorporate all the forms of self-care that support our well-being. It can be helpful to consider two primary categories of self-care.
Body-Mind Self-Care
The first, body-mind or physical self-care, is foundational for well-being and could be considered physical maintenance. Body-mind self-care activities improve our physical state and, consequently, positively impact our minds. Body-mind self-care includes adequate sleep quality, healthy nutrition, hydration, and exercise or movement. These components warrant special attention because we feel better and perform better when in balance. Unfortunately, taking care of our basic well-being requirements can seem impossible when we suddenly drop into an intense caregiving experience or arrive without preparation. We are merely trying to survive. In addition, schedule the wellness visit, the dentist appointment, and other appointments that may have been neglected because you have had to place your health priorities behind your care recipient’s needs.
Mind-Body Self-Care
The second category of self-care includes the mind-body activities, the more varied and value-added pursuits that calm our minds and reenergize our bodies. Mind-body self-care activities support our emotional, mental, social, and spiritual well-being and, in turn, transform our physical condition. These self-care activities relieve stress and help us stay connected to ourselves and our passions. What are your passions? What activities have been sidelined due to caregiving responsibilities? How can those passions be reimagined to fit into your caregiving day? When you answer these questions through journaling or reflection, you can begin to create a system of self-care that will support you on your caregiving journey. When you establish routines that organize and prioritize self-care activities and set boundaries to protect the schedule, your physical and emotional well-being will begin to improve. You will move from surviving to thriving and feel more like yourself. We will explore both areas of self-care in more detail, but first let’s look at why self-care is important.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Prioritizing self-care is crucial because caring for a family member requires stamina that we can only attain when we also care for ourselves. Caregiving takes an emotional and physical toll, and these costs to our well-being are connected. When we struggle emotionally, our body suffers. We could experience gastrointestinal troubles, aches, and pains caused by stress or unhealthy weight changes. Our emotional state is compromised when our bodies are in distress due to lack of sleep or inadequate nutrition. When we are unwell physically, we struggle to think clearly and find it difficult to achieve a state of balance and calm. The relationship between our physical well-being and our emotional well-being is why it is crucial to participate in self-care activities that protect and preserve the mind and body to prevent burnout. When we focus on all aspects of our well-being, we can perform at our best while navigating an intense caregiving expedition.
Physical Self-Care
Sleep
Good quality sleep is crucial for us to be at our best when facing the challenges of caregiving. But, while caring for a family member, our sleep quantity and quality can suffer due to care responsibilities, or we lie awake at night due to worries. Lack of proper sleep affects our ability to think clearly, and causes us to feel disorganized. We can be quick to anger and feel hopeless. On the other hand, sufficient sleep has been linked to benefits such as heart health, a more robust immune system, better brain function, improved mood, and reduced stress. Specifically, when we sleep well, our thinking is more precise, we are less susceptible to mental and physical illnesses, and we can better tolerate incidents that cause frustration. If your family member requires attention and help through the night, you might consider getting a nighttime aide so your sleep can remain as consistent as possible.
A sleep routine can help you prioritize and prepare for a good night’s sleep each night.
Keys to an effective sleep routine
- Go to bed and get up each morning on a consistent schedule, seven days a week
- It is ideal to fall asleep within 15 to 20 minutes and sleep between seven and nine hours
- So, engage in calming activities during the hour before bedtime
- Washing our face or brushing our teeth at the same time each night can trigger the body to prepare for sleep.
- You might include drinking a cup of tea in the evening. Chamomile and passionflower contain apigenin which has been connected to calming effects and reduced anxiety.
- It is recommended that we avoid eating within two hours of bedtime so that digestion is complete.
- And it is recommended that we avoid caffeine and alcohol too late in the day.
Consider keeping a sleep diary to track what strategies and combinations work well.
Sleep environment
Our sleeping environment is important. Create a calm, cool, serene, and dark sleeping space. You could use a lavender room spray. You can start to dim the lights where you spend time an hour or two before bedtime. Minimize light by using a dim nightlight in the bathroom so that you don’t need to turn the light on in the middle of the night. What temperature is best for you for sleeping?
Breathing exercises
Breathing exercises can help you fall asleep and help you get back to sleep when worries keep you awake. The box breathing technique is one of the more straightforward exercises to execute. Box breathing uses a count of four for the inhale and exhale and in-between the inhale and exhale. Another breathing exercise that is particularly helpful for falling asleep is the 4-7-8 exercise. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, and exhale for a count of eight. Repeating this sequence changes the chemistry in our brain and facilitates sleep.
Control the thoughts
What thoughts keep you awake? An intentional review of the day can help avoid the random thoughts that keep us from falling asleep. A practice of gratitude before bed may help. Would it be helpful to write down the next day’s activities? Consider adding evening or bedtime mindfulness practices such as a nighttime meditation or repeating a calming mantra. Certain apps offer sleep stories, music, meditations, the sounds of nature, or brown noise, all designed to inspire sleep. The Calm app has a selection of sleep stories that work like magic, and the nap stories are great for short breaks during the day. Most apps have a trial period, so you can try them out before committing.
Exercise
Moving on to movement, exercise can help us manage the stress from the weighty responsibilities and worries surrounding caring for a family member. Movement has been connected to many physical and mental health benefits, including increased energy levels, improved mood, better sleep, and even increased feelings of confidence and control. Any form of movement can enhance mood, including exercise, yoga, dance, tai chi, paddling, and more. Exercise distracts us and shifts the tension in our bodies to a more relaxed state. Regular exercise has proven to offer long-term anxiety prevention benefits. Choose whatever options bring joy, add them to your routine, and protect the activity with boundaries.
Green exercise
Researchers in Britain discovered that even five minutes of exercise in nature can lift our mood. They call it “green exercise.” That means a quick walk around the block can help us reset. If you have more than five minutes, walking in nature offers multiple benefits, and you can make your steps even more meaningful with a few mindfulness practices. Make mental notes of the nature you see. You might choose a theme and notice the trees along your path or pay particular attention to wildlife. Experience the walk using all your senses. What can you see, hear, smell, feel, and taste as you move through nature or your neighborhood? Focus on counting your breaths or your footsteps. This focus will help prevent the worries from creeping in and give you the peace that comes from the worry-free space. It is normal for worries to join you on your walk. Gently ask them to go away so that you may return to counting.
Combine activities and strategies
You could combine a walk with other self-care activities, such as connecting with a friend in person or on the phone. You could listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook. Maybe, you want to work through a challenge you are facing and take the opportunity to look at it from all perspectives to better understand or reframe the concern. Mindfully focusing on a challenge can be a productive use of self-care time in contrast to ruminating on a worry. The change in scenery can help us see things from a different angle, literally and figuratively, a new view.
What are some alternatives if you enjoy going to a fitness center but can no longer make it to the gym? YouTube videos? A video subscription service? Exercise bands? It isn’t easy to stay fit when we are preoccupied with our family member’s needs, so it is important to get creative. You might go on a run to relieve stress, but we can’t outrun our thoughts. If you return from the run even more stressed, this is an example of a self-care strategy not working, in fact backfiring. When we combine strategies, each strategy becomes more effective. When we add mindfulness and set boundaries around our emotional investment into worries, physical exertion can work to relieve and expel stress.
Nutrition
Nutrition is the next essential well-being topic. Since nutrition plays a role in stress management, it is helpful to understand which foods support our well-being, how they make a difference, and how to easily incorporate them into snacks and meals. As you know, choosing the foods that support our well-being can be challenging when caregiving responsibilities overwhelm our days. It is important to eat regularly so that our brain is fueled and functioning at optimum levels to make those difficult decisions.
When hungry, we are more sensitive to the negative thoughts that drive negative emotions. We are more likely to reach for food that may give us an immediate energy boost but will cause our blood sugar to crash, making us feel even worse. Our bodies need more nutrients when we are under stress. Eating breakfast and eating at regularly scheduled intervals throughout the day, hungry or not, is key so that when the unexpected task requires attention, hunger doesn’t interfere. It can be helpful to keep healthy snacks handy at home, in the car, or in a sack or a purse that goes with you so that you have healthy choices when priorities shift at the last minute.
Hydration
And finally, is hydration. Nutrition and hydration work together. Simply staying well hydrated can reduce our stress levels. When our heart rate is elevated, and breathing is more rapid, we lose fluid and are more likely to get dehydrated. When we are dehydrated, the levels of the stress hormone cortisol increase in our bodies. In addition, our organs rely on water to function well, and when we are dehydrated, our body is stressed and not optimally supporting us.
This cycle can be disrupted by drinking more hydrating fluids. To stay sufficiently hydrated, you might schedule or track intake. There are apps for that. If plain water gets boring, you could add fruit or cucumber to a pitcher of water to keep it interesting and add nutrients. Calming herbal teas can hydrate and provide added stress-relieving benefits. Two teas in particular, chamomile and mint, are stress relievers. A bonus is that tea time is a self-care activity.
So, as we said, focusing on our sleep, nutrition, hydration, and getting to our wellness visits is foundational to our well-being. We will be able to survive the caregiving experience. Next level self-care comes when we incorporate our passions and what brings us joy and peace into caregiver-friendly activities so that we can move from survive to thrive.
Move from Surviving to Thriving
To move from survive to thrive, we can reimagine self-care by identifying the activities that support our well-being and fit our ever-evolving situation. We can prioritize self-care activities by scheduling them or incorporating them into routines and protect our self-care activities and routines with boundaries. As caregiving intensifies, opportunities for self-care often come in minutes rather than hours. We can redefine self-care to make the most of those minutes and adjust activities as often as necessary, so they fit within our day and our routines. You might create a go-to list of restorative activities depending on your mood, needs, available time, and space.
Reimagined self-care in action
Prior to caregiving, self-care might be a 1-hour yoga class 3 times a week at your local fitness club. While caregiving, you may be able to do 5-15 minutes of yoga poses each day during your scheduled self-care break in your designated comfy corner in your family member’s home.
Prior to caregiving, self-care might be spending time with friends during a weekly get-together for drinks and dinner to catch up on the latest news and gossip. Time with friends while caregiving might be enjoying a coffee together twice a month to stay connected and hear the latest news and gossip or a walk outdoors while talking with a friend on the phone.
Prior to caregiving, self-care might include travel, such as a getaway to a distant location. During caregiving, self-care might be 5-15 minutes of learning a new language, culture, or cuisine so that when you can travel, your experience will be enhanced, and you stay connected to the joys of travel.
Prior to caregiving, self-care might involve participating on a tennis team and traveling to tournaments. While caring for a family member, self-care might be meeting with a friend a couple of times a month for a game.
Prior to caregiving, self-care might be attending a concert or music festival. During caregiving, self-care could be having a calming playlist at the ready and listening to it when you need a break to relax.
Mind-body self-care activities
We have explored sleep, nutrition, and hydration. In a previous article, we delved into mindfulness as a Sustainable Caregiving strategy and a self-care practice. Before we look at a few activities that can be re-imagined as self-care, you might think about creating a mini oasis in your home where you can go to de-stress for a few minutes throughout the day or create a comfy, cozy corner within your care recipient’s home so that you have a place to restore and regroup. You could include LED candles, a calming scent, mood music, sounds of nature, tea, art, plants, a tabletop Zen Garden, and pillows in your favorite colors. You may add stones or other items that are comforting to hold.
Music
With your comfy space in mind, imagine playing your “Reset My Mood” playlist. Research suggests that music can reduce stress and anxiety and improve cognitive brain function. Because music affects both our mind and body, it is an excellent addition to self-care while caregiving.
Scents
Scents can indeed bring peace. It is our previous experiences with odors that elicit a response. Certain smells will trigger specific memories and stimulate emotions based on those memories. This learned response and connection to emotion can be used to your self-care advantage when you identify the odors that trigger calm and happy memories. What are some of your favorite scents? Keep your happy scents handy.
Essential Oils
Oils from plant extracts support well-being in a variety of ways. You may want to experiment with oils as solutions for both you and your family member. There are many oils connected with reduced stress and improved mood. A few to try include lavender, sandalwood, rose, bergamot chamomile, and jasmine. You might diffuse them in your comfy corner or carry a rollerball with you.
Tea
Just like brushing our teeth can signal our mind and body that it is time for bed, the ritual of making tea can start to calm us as we prepare to take a break and relax. In addition, certain teas are credited with calming the nerves. Mint, chamomile, lavender, and rose are lauded as the best ingredients for a calming cup of tea.
TV
Sometimes we need to escape or want to be entertained. You might take a break to watch a favorite tv show or have it on while cooking or doing chores.
Writing
Writing and creating are excellent self-care when you can get lost in the process. Diary style, poems, or a gratitude journal are all good options. Look for a beautiful blank book to hold your unique thoughts. Have you wanted to write a novel? The caregiving years are great for jotting down notes and piecing them together. Take note of dialogue that comes to mind and begin to form the narrative.
Nature
If nature is your happy place, make spending time outside a priority. Or, put up a bird feeder and watch the bird channel from the window. Use your senses to observe your surroundings. Tune in to the colors of the birds, rustle of the leaves, the cool breeze, and the feeling of your bare feet on the earth. Being present in nature and connecting to this balanced and grounded frame of mind provides a window into the state of calm we strive for throughout our day. When we tune into and appreciate peace, we train our mind and body to seek peace.
Gardening
Gardening is a great way to get our hands dirty and get lost in nature! Whether we grow flowers and enjoy their beauty or vegetables and profit from the nutrients, we are creating layers of self-care opportunities.
Pet therapy
Taking care of and interacting with cats and dogs reduces anxiety and stress. Furry friends help us feel less lonely, and dogs can help keep us active. Pets can be a source of self-care for the caregiver and their loved one, adding joy to the lives of everyone. Fish aquariums have worked to calm patients in doctor’s office waiting rooms for years. An aquarium might be a lovely addition to your home environment. Birds can provide hours of entertainment. Pets require care and supplies and add to the cleaning responsibilities, but you may decide that the payoff is well worth the cost.
Treat yourself
Treating yourself is self-care. Get a coffee or ice cream while running errands. Plan the break between appointments, shopping, and many tasks that keep you on the move. If your family member is with you, a coffee break may also offer a welcomed opportunity to spend time with them in a space with a different view, where the conversation can be varied and non-care-focused. Connecting with your family member in a new setting can help reset the stress and remind you why you are so invested in this role.
Read
Reading to learn or for enjoyment is self-care. Download that book that will offer an escape or allow you to learn about something new. Books provide an opportunity to help us stay curious, get outside of ourselves, dig deeper, go on an adventure, or take a class without leaving home. Keep a book of short stories or meditations in your cozy corner and read a few pages daily.
Friends
Schedule a lunch or coffee with friends. Focus on reconnecting and catching up. It is important to note that friends don’t always “get it” when it comes to caregiving stress. Expectations of empathy can be met with disappointment, but it can be the perfect opportunity to connect with life outside of caregiving.
Laugh
Laughing is self-care. Appreciate the humor in those things you know you will laugh about later. Or watch a favorite comedy rerun, a funny movie, or a stand-up routine. Immerse yourself in whatever makes you smile and laugh out loud.
Knit, sew, or crochet
Many YouTube channels teach practically anything you would like to learn. There are also oodles of books to inspire creativity. If you have ever wanted to take up knitting, sewing, or crocheting, this is a great time to pick up the needles and give it a go, getting lost in the rhythm of the process. You could create a gift for a member of your care team, your family member, or yourself.
Learn a new language or cuisine
As mentioned, an alternative to travel might be to learn a new language or cuisine. A few minutes a day of study and practice prepares you to immerse yourself in the culture of a country you will visit in the future. You might also prepare a few dishes from your future destination. Imagine the adventure. Check out the Duolingo app for a great way to learn a new language in 5 minutes a day.
A warm bath
Enjoy a warm bath. You could add lighting, essential oils, bath salts, and a hydrating beverage while immersed in the calming effects of a nice soak. A warm bath relaxes the tense muscles that result from stress. As your muscles relax, your mood will lift, and the anxiety will melt away.
With all these great options, where to start? Or the more pressing question may be, where to find the time?
How to Prioritize our Well-being
Prioritizing our well-being can feel like an insurmountable challenge, but we know that we must because our high-stress circumstances keep us at our emotional and physical limits, not a sustainable state. Fortunately, when we reimagine and micro-dose self-care, we set ourselves up for success and, with a few more steps and strategies, can prioritize our well-being even when we hit the rapids and waterfalls in the caregiver river.
Fluidity
When we anticipate that our plans and routines will likely be disrupted, we are prepared to modify our self-care routine rather than abandon it altogether. For example, even in the case of a hospitalization, with awareness and intention, we can incorporate self-care activities into what becomes our new routine when our family member is in the hospital. We can enjoy a few moments of stillness in the parking lot before entering and after leaving the hospital, keep healthy snacks handy, journal while our family member is sleeping or begin to research and create a plan for what care will look like in the future, do a few moments of yoga poses before bed. The key is to modify and incorporate self-care to fit your new reality so that you come through the experience healthy and prepared to face what is next.
Consistency is key
Fluidity and flexibility are essential because the key to ensuring that our self-care pursuits make a difference in how we feel is to practice them consistently, a real challenge when competing priorities pull us in every direction. Once we have reimagined self-care, consistently micro-dosing well-being becomes more manageable when we include our activities into routines and set boundaries to protect them.
Establish routines
When you establish daily routines, you can organize and schedule self-care breaks and activities, including sleep, nutrition, meditation, and exercise. For example, think about eating and staying fueled throughout the day. You might decide on an eating routine that, in addition to meals, includes a 10 am and 3 pm snack to avoid that hungry, angry, hangry feeling. These times may also be good for a self-care break, a cup of tea, a few minutes to listen to a podcast or music, write in your journal, or meditate. Set an alarm, let folks know you are taking a break, which is communicating a boundary, and take a few minutes to take care of yourself.
Set boundaries
Another example is when you have decided to take a daily walk. Set a time that fits the schedule, and share your decision, so others can respect your boundary around self-care. If you haven’t already, check out the session on setting and reinforcing boundaries. Setting boundaries around self-care is self-care.
Get Started
Reflect
To begin reimagining self-care, reflect on a few questions. Which self-care activities speak to you? What activities would you add to the list? What do you consider guilty pleasures? Remove the guilt. What are your passions? How can you work your most valued self-care interests into your daily activities?
Journal
Now journal your response to a few prompts. What do you miss from pre-caregiving days? As caregivers, we experience many losses. You might miss travel, time with friends, and leisurely weekends. Begin to make your list. Next, how can you care for yourself by creating experiences within your day that help you feel fulfilled and connected to the hobbies that you have put on hold?
Practice
To begin practicing reimagined self-care, begin to micro-dose activities. Choose one or two activities that help you feel whole and layer in more as you redefine and re-claim self-care. And finally, work your favorites into a routine and set boundaries to protect the time.
For more information on self-care and caregiving, check out Navigating the Caregiver River: A Journey to Sustainable Caregiving and the Self-Caregiving Strategies Podcast.
Schedule Theresa Wilbanks to speak on caregiving and empower the caregivers in your workplace or community with the 12 Sustainable Caregiving Strategies.
Advice offered is for general information only; please contact your healthcare team, legal or financial advisors to guide your particular situation.