Sustainable Caregiving Strategies

Strategy: Acceptance ~ The Role

You may not have previously thought of acceptance as a strategy. Resistance to either the caregiving role or responsibilities can cause a great deal of stress. The act of acceptance can bring relief. The act of acceptance is active rather than passive and requires leaning into negative thoughts and emotions. It is stressful to think that we have taken a wrong turn in life’s journey. It is empowering to know that we are on the right path, that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

“You can’t cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It’s just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it.”

Cheryl Strayed

Accepting the caregiving role:

The first challenge is to accept the caregiving role and all that it entails. In addition to accepting the situation, the path to acceptance includes accepting the emotions, accepting help, accepting forgiveness, accepting loss, and accepting that winning is not always winning.

Acceptance can be elusive:

While we might understand the concept of acceptance, hear the words, and know what they mean, acceptance can be elusive. Chasing elusive acceptance can put us in a state of constant low-level anxiety. It can feel like an ideal that we will never attain, another failure that causes guilt. We are actually chasing control.  Control can not be caught unless it is released. With awareness and communication, we can flip the script from “I have to be a caregiver” to “I get to be a caregiver”. As a result, we will be more open to what this journey is revealing and is offering.

Loving what is:

Amor Fati is a concept that embodies not just accepting our situation, but loving it. We accept the good times without question, so why not accept the more challenging episodes? What if we let go of the expectation that we are entitled, entitled to happiness, entitled to live a life entirely on our own terms. Acceptance leads us to not only realize that everything in life can’t be fixed but acknowledge that it was never broken. 

The Hidden Power of Acceptance:

We each must find our way to acceptance on our own terms. This experience provides an enormous opportunity to grow and develop virtue. When we embrace our role, relinquish control, and live in the moment when we are not focused on the fear of the future or past memories and hurts, we are unburdened from regrets and resentment and we are on the path to find true freedom. It may even be possible to move into a place of appreciation when we explore the gifts hidden within the challenges. We will talk more about turning obstacles into opportunities in a future lesson.

Seamless Practice

Reflect:

  • Is there an aspect of caregiving that you resent or resist? What would happen if you accepted rather than resisted?
  • What if you truly believed that your current situation is exactly as it is supposed to be? What would you do differently? 
  • Reflect on this quote by Eckhart Tolle and how it might apply to your thoughts surrounding caregiving. “Stress is caused by being here but wanting to be there. Or being in the present but wanting to be in the future. It’s a split that tears you apart inside.”

Journal:

  • Eckhart Tolle also said that we are aligned with the energy in the universe only when we are in one of three modalities – acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm. He says that without this alignment, we are creating suffering for ourselves and others. What meaning does this have for you as a caregiver? 
  • If you applied the concept of amor fati, love your fate, to caregiving, how would it change the experience for you?

Apply:

  • When you feel yourself railing against reality, begin to notice the source of the resistance. Note the thoughts in your journal. 
  • Explore the reasons behind the resistance either through reflection or journaling. 
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